PrEgO UpDaTe*

So I feel like the worst mom ever! My whole pregnancy I have wanted to keep super good track of everything I have felt and experienced with this pregnancy...whoops! Better late than never I guess. Everything has been really good and I feel so blessed. My first trimester I was really nauseated and it stuck with me every day and all day. Somedays I think I would have felt better if I could have thrown up. The best thing about being sick is that you know there must be a baby in their if I feel like this so that was about the ONLY good thing. I didn't crave anything but there were not alot of foods that sounded good to me. Cereal was my FAVORITE and only meal hahaha. When I wasn't with child I would love to eat chicken, hamburgers, and ice cream. Well imagine that all 3 of those things never sound good to me anymore and I hope it hasn't ruined me for life. Plus I havent been able to drink my "liv sxinney" drink which is sooooo good to drink while your pregnant. The taste of the mint made me gag and evern when I think about it I wanna throw up but they just came out with some new flavors and I loved em so i'm excited for that. When the time came for Jake and I to find out what we were having we were so ecstatic!! We found out on the day I turned 18 weeks. My mom and Diane both came down for it and that was so so special to me to have them both there. When we were there in the room PAISLEY was not cooperating so I was getting so anxious but then Diane started to get a little teary eyed and then Jake did then me of course and I couldn't help but think that my real mom was there for this special time for us. It was so crazy to see little Pais up there on the big screen and to see her as active as she was. She was bouncin right off my whatever she kicks and doin back flips ( well it looked like anyways) I couldnt even feel her then either so it was crazy to know she was moving so much but I couldn't feel any of it. Now thats a different story now! :)

   A couple days after my "gender" untrasound my best doctor called me and very nicely was like " I am a little concerned" oh no what does that mean as i'm thinkin in my head. " From the ultrasound I can see that there is fluid around/in the brain and I need you to go to St. George to have an ultrasound."
So before I freaked out people were telling me that it wasn't a big deal and that they said that about their baby and so I was just like oh ok its sounds more normal. So the next day my sister in law Meagan ( bless her soul) drove me down to St George. Jake was working in Gunnison for the summer so with him being gone and I didn't think it was a big deal I asked Meag if she would go with me. Well thank the heavens I did because if I would have known what I was about to hear I would have definetly not gone alone.. Not sure I would have been able to drive home. ANYWAYS so we get down there and they asked me why I was there so I had to tell them and they gave me an ultra sound and the whole time the ultrasound tech was not being very cool at all. She made me feel so dumb and I was just askin little questions and she just kept saying I can not say... so rudely. Well the doctor came in and with out any sympathy or care or any kind of lovely feelings he drops all this stuff on me not literally but with his words..  "UM I SEE THAT THERE IS A CYST ON THE BRAIN, THE HEARTBEAT IS NOT BEATING REGULAR AND SHE COULD HAVE TRISOME 18 WHICH MEANS SHE WILL DIE!!' I'm not kidding you people.. just like that. So as I was trying to take everything in and just focus on what just happend and what he just told me. I started askin life and death questions and right in the middle of it he answers the dang phone... TWICE!! He was the worst and unprofessional doctor that I have ever been to. That news might be normal to him but where I come from it wasn't normal. He made it sound like this was a really rare thing and if she did have Trisome 18 then she would either be down sydrome ( which I would have loved her just as much ) or she wouldn't make it past 30 weeks. PLUS with her having heart problems I thought it was the same thing my mom died of so that just made things so much worse. I couldn't pull myself together. I couldn't think. They had me go talk to a genetic counselor and see what my options were .
1. Just wait it out and let the baby live as long as she will whether it not having any problems or letting her just live the rest of her life and die in my stomach.
2. Get an amniocentisis. Where they go in your stomach with a huge needle and take out some amnio fluid and that will help detect how many chromosomes the baby has. 1 in 300 babies die just from doin that. Takes about 1 minute.
I had alot of big decisions to make right then and there. I'm not good with big grown up decisions--just ask Jake. I couldn't even call Jake to tell him everything that had just happened I was crying way hard. So Meag had to and I felt so bad but I just couldn't talk to anyone with out balling my eyes out. So I decided to go ahead and get the amniocentesis since it didn't take long at all . It didn't hurt just felt alot like cramps do. Everything went great and then they said they would send the tests in and then they would let me know of the results in 7-10 days. That was the last of the hospital part for the day and we headed back to Cedar. I had to call the salon and cancel appointments cause I had no idea I was goin to be gone that long, plus I didn't know I was goin to be getting "surgery" and there was no way I could have gone back to work. I feel like I had been hit by 500 DIESELS .. I didn't exactly tell everyone at the salon what had happened they just knew I wouldn't be comin back for the day and that they could barely understand me through my crying and shakin voice. One of the ladies that works there was goin to the temple that next day and said she was goin to put our names on the prayer roll and then 2 other ladies called the temple and put our names on the roll to. I felt so blessed. Then that made my cry more to see all the support we were already getting. I hated Jake not being there. When I finally got enough voice and stopped crying to talk to him he told me he was leaving right then from Gunnison and would be to Cedar in 2 hours. I couldn't wait to give him a hug. When I talked to my dad I could barely understand him. He said he had been crying since he found out and he told my Aunt Sharon that works at the hospital with him and she started telling him that they said the same thing to her daughter in law when she was pregnant with her son. It was so hard talkin to my dad but he always makes everything better. The more people I talked to they would tell me stories of incidents where they said that to them or their neice or the granddaughter or someone they knew. Which made me feel a little better cause here the doctor told me that it was really rare and uncommon. On the way home Meag had told a personal story about herself and what someone told her. She was goin through a really rough time and one of the professors or teachers at Snow College ( I think he was in the quorum of the seventy) but he just randomly told her that the second the sperm meets the egg it gets a body. Which I didn't ever think about or if I ever knew that. But she was just telling me that whatever the outcome is that we will get to be with Paisley someday. Such great knowledge and comforter. Thanks MEAGAN I love you and I will never forget the comfort you gave me that day.. Thanks for being there for me! When we got back to Cedar, Meag and I took our cousin April and her new baby some dinner ( well Boston didn't eat any lol ) but we spent the afternoon at her house and I got to hold Boston and I just cried while I held him. Of course I couldn't think about anything other then wanting to hold my little Paisley. and Jake was there and we just held each other and cried. It really was such a hard time for us. Here we were so excited for this new step in life and just ready for everything. I already had it in my mind that she wasn't goin to make it which I hated giving up on FAITH. Did I mention we were right in the middle of moving and it couldn't have happend at a worse time and day. Not to mention I couldn't help much because of that procedure I had just had.. WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.
   The next day my best doctor- Doctor Gatherum- called me and was really concerned. I told him everything that they told me and he was like "so what about the fluid on the brain". Well they hadn't mentioned anything about that so he was so confused cause that was the whole reason he sent me down there. He said if they didn't mention it then it probably had gone away within those couple of days. He could tell that I was upset and this is what changed my life. He told me that that doc in St. George was from New York and that he does the Amnios on anyone and everyone that will. He hadn't been in St. George very long and was still getting use to Utah's culture. Apparently he is so use to giving abortions and I am so against that. So Doc G told me not to worry to much about it and that he tells everybody that.. HOLY FREAKIN COW! Are you kidding me... So then I had to call Jake and all the family and tell them the somewhat good news. I still worried though until I got the call with the results. EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD... she has all chromosomes and that the cyst on the brain had gone down. The only think they were still worried about was the heartbeat which at my follow up appointment if it was still beating irregular then they would send me up the Salt Lake to a heart specialist. Which ended up beating regular at that follow up apt. YAY!! Everything was sounding like heaven.
   Its so crazy to look back now on that experience. I know this is such the longest post of mine and your lives but I didn't/couldn't leave out any detail. I know someday I will be so grateful that I took the time to write down every detail. I am so glad that everything is goin to be ok and that she is healthy. I am so grateful for technology in todays world. I don't know how people did it back then. Maybe it was easier on them not knowing all the possibilities. I am now 28 weeks and have been feeling so great the past month. Just the past 2 days I have started to feel really tired again like I did in the beginning. I have cut back my hours at work a little bit. Thats been kinda hard but I know I need to listen to my body and not overdue myself for Pais sake. I can' t believe I only have 12 weeks left ( 2 1/2 months). I know it will fly by so fast but we can't wait to meet our little Paisley. I can't wait to see what she looks like, her personality, if she will have hair, what color her eyes will be, her features.. etc. I haven't bought alot of stuff yet which some people think i'm crazy but I have 4 showers coming up and people say not to get anything until after the showers. I am so excited for them. I did go ahead and the get the bedding of my dreams and i'm so glad I did. It came in the mail today.. I can't wait to post pictures of
it. Now were on the countdown and I'm goin to try and enjoy these last 12 weeks. Oh and my sister in law Kera had her baby boy this morning so I'm so anxious to get up there and meet him and hold him. I hope that him and Paisley will be the best of cousins like my cousin Chris and I are. Thanks for staying tuned if you still are:)

                                                                   THE END!!!!